The past 18 months have been full of trials and tribulations. It has been so tempting to come here to Gaia and whine. However, I have always respected the fact that Gaia-folk are about positive vision and hopeful expectation. Whining isn't a great strategy.

I'm happy to report I am once again...hopeful! As they say, "that which doesn't kill you makes you stronger."  Well, I'm back, baby. And stronger than ever.

It's like I lost my mojo. And then a series of "life events" pushed me further and further away from the light of my own inner spark. But at least I had a memory of that spark...knew it was still there.

I've been crippling my way back toward that light for the past 5 years. I have put together an exciting 24 months plan and am itchin' to execute it! Expect cool news in the future!

Realizing that "success" is really about the relationship between me, myself & I.  If that is not in a harmonious place...

Like many of you, I seek multiple, digital outlets for my message.  This Sunday (and every Full Moon in the future) I will be producing and broadcasting Radio Gaia!

This is my way of showing the next generation what is possible.  We are using the four elements: earth, air, fire and water, as guideposts as we explore our amazing planet.  In addition, there is a fifth element...You!

Radio Gaia will be highlighting peope, espcially young people, who are making a difference in the world.  June 7th, Noon, is the kickoff show.  Tune in. Call in. Chat or Tweet.  I'd love to hear you there!

Last night, I got one of those phone calls--the kind that makes you say, "WHAT?!?!How?When?"  A dear friend, my hubby's BF, died in a motorcycle accident.  Hubby had spoken to him a few hours early and wanted to say, "Be careful," when Vita (his gaming nickname) said it was a gorgeous day to take out the bike. 

And now there is a huge hole where Vita used to be.  We spent the night awash in disbelief.  Soon we will gather with friends and stand around the hole together.  Right now, there is no philosophical, spiritual or religous words that can fill this great, aching space.  I think our only recourse is embrace the grief, to cherish the space, as a measure of the man.

I'm a writer and am currently just a few chapters away from the end of a middle-grade fiction book.  The book is, at its core, about dreams and the power of belief, imagination, and courage.

What I'm finding so interesting, is that the while writing this story, my own dreams seem to have gone up a notch on the vividity (is that a word?) scale.  There have been moments in my day, where I momentarily get overwhelmed by the interconnectedness of everything.  Its as if the atoms of my being remember old friends and instantly reach out to touch their atoms...they feel that close.
 
And I glimpse the 'man' behind the curtain.  I see the wheels turning, bringing the focus of my thoughts closer to me.  Writing about belief in a fictional way, has brought my awareness of my own thoughts into focus.

Anyway, I didn't expect writing a story for 11 year-olds to rearrange me so.  But its a blessing!

I don't have children of my own.  I'm 38 years old; my hubby is 40.  It seems there will never be a genetic fusion of he and me to march into the world.  Should I be bummed about this?  I'm not.  We have a lot of kids in our life.

I write for children--visit schools, email and blog with kids. I love their world and never hesititate to validate it.  My hubby teaches third grade and every year he has13-20 new kids who adore him.  More importantly, every year there are 13-20 kids who know they are adored.  They thrive in his evironment of caring, trust and mutual admiration.  Not only are the test scores just grand, he gets cards and notes and refriderator-worthy drawings from students past and presents.

Sometimes I think not coping with the day-to-day of parenting ("MOM! WHERE'S MY...") gives me a valuable perspective on kid-dome.  I think that Hubby can devote so much to the classroom because home is a recharging station.

I'm considering writing seriously about this--how we came to this place, how we discuss the issue, where the bright line (vasectomy/tubal ligation) might be.  What role do the childless play in our society? What role coudl they play?  Why does it seem the fertile-folk distrust us? Thoughts are appreciated.

"I ony went out for a walk, and finally concluded to stay out till sundown, for going out, I found, was really going in." - John Muir

Autumn is upon us (Autmnal Equinox Sept 22) and the woods are calling me. I've been spending more time on my zafu (meditation cushion) but now hunger for some still time in nature. 

How 'bout you?

I've been asked on more than one occassion why I chose to write books aimed at a 8-12 year old audience.  My answer is that, at that age, most kids are so genuine.  They own their personas and there is so little guile.  And they're silly.  And that's lovely.

I loved being 11 years old.  I remember having sleepovers with friends where we would get so riduculous that the next day, my stomach muscles would be sore from laughing.   As far as I'm concerned, laughing is the only ab workout we should ever do!

I'm a silly person, who likes to imitate voices and sounds.  I've always understood Robin Williams brand of manic outbursts because I often have the same voices scampering about in my head.  Somewhere along the line, I got nervous about letting that silly girl loose on the world.  I'm sure it was Junior High/Queen Bee inimidation.  But that's moot.

The point is,  I'm letting the 11-year old out to play a lot more often.  I like her.  And frankly, at the wise old age of 38, I have learned to read people's body language and will know when to tell the "silly girl" to chill a bit. 

And, at the metabolism-slowing age of 38, I could really use the ab workout!

• Recognize that all you have and all you love, comes from the Earth
• Have gratitude for that fact
• Realize the best things in life aren't things
• Curb Consumerism! Learn to say "no," to yourself and your desires without feeling deprived.  Don't worry...your ego can take it.
• Teach the next generation these four things

In my previous entry, I had to admit that I was falling short of the mark and was feeling pretty crappy about it.  What I hadn't yet done, was see that crappy feeling as a source of energy.

I'm comming to the conclusion that negatives feelings are just wayfinding signs.  The feeling is there to push you in a new direction.  The discontent is there to push you over to a more appropriate path. I believe, when you finally heed that wayfinding sign,  the negative feeling is transformed. The energy contained within the negative is given over to you as a positive. 

Thoreau said, "It's not what you look at that matters, it's what you see."  I finally saw the opportunity hiddin' in my blues.  I woke up and pushed myself  and, I'm pleased to report, the results have been wonderful.