Posted on Dec 5th, 2009
by
Lee
Many many moons ago I had a verbally abusive boyfriend. For three years I tried to figure out how to accentuate and magnify the postives in our relationship ('cuz he was, at heart, a great guy) and eliminate the negatives ('cuz he did have childhood issues) Three years later, I finally had to admit I'd been wrong about this person's ability to change and ended the relationship. At that time, I felt like I'd "wasted" three years.
Flash forward 12 years. I'm happily married and the demeanment of verbal abuse is a vague memory. However, I found myself in a professional relationship that began to bear striking resemblences to the the long-gone boyfriend.
It looks like this: A month or so of fabulous energy, fun, productivity, like-mindedness. A disagreement or misunderstanding followed by over-the-top beratment, vindictiveness and personal attacts designed to simultaneously weakend your self-esteem, promote the abusing partner as the "more knowledgable" and guilt-trip you into doing something you really don't want to do. (stay)
This time around it took me a mere 6 months to recognize the pattern, 6 months to try to "fix it" and 6 months to see if I could get out of it without wrecking the professional relationship. Sadly, the last part wasn't possibly.
I walked away.
Lilke before, this has hurt me financially, and that just plain sucks. However, unlike before, I feel healthy and strong and immediatley ready to face the future! So this lesson has been given to me twice. I'm hoping I've proven I've learned and the Universe won't toss this paticular lesson my way again!
Have you ever repeated relationship lessons?
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Posted on Nov 2nd, 2009
by
Lee
The past 18 months have been full of trials and tribulations. It has been so tempting to come here to Gaia and whine. However, I have always respected the fact that Gaia-folk are about positive vision and hopeful expectation. Whining isn't a great strategy.
I'm happy to report I am once again...hopeful! As they say, "that which doesn't kill you makes you stronger." Well, I'm back, baby. And stronger than ever.
It's like I lost my mojo. And then a series of "life events" pushed me further and further away from the light of my own inner spark. But at least I had a memory of that spark...knew it was still there.
I've been crippling my way back toward that light for the past 5 years. I have put together an exciting 24 months plan and am itchin' to execute it! Expect cool news in the future!
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Posted on Nov 2nd, 2009
by
Lee
Realizing that "success" is really about the relationship between me, myself & I. If that is not in a harmonious place...
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Posted on Oct 20th, 2008
by
Lee
Last night, I got one of those phone calls--the kind that makes you say, "WHAT?!?!How?When?" A dear friend, my hubby's BF, died in a motorcycle accident. Hubby had spoken to him a few hours early and wanted to say, "Be careful," when Vita (his gaming nickname) said it was a gorgeous day to take out the bike.
And now there is a huge hole where Vita used to be. We spent the night awash in disbelief. Soon we will gather with friends and stand around the hole together. Right now, there is no philosophical, spiritual or religous words that can fill this great, aching space. I think our only recourse is embrace the grief, to cherish the space, as a measure of the man.
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Posted on Oct 19th, 2008
by
Lee
I'm a writer and am currently just a few chapters away from the end of a middle-grade fiction book. The book is, at its core, about dreams and the power of belief, imagination, and courage.
What I'm finding so interesting, is that the while writing this story, my own dreams seem to have gone up a notch on the vividity (is that a word?) scale. There have been moments in my day, where I momentarily get overwhelmed by the interconnectedness of everything. Its as if the atoms of my being remember old friends and instantly reach out to touch their atoms...they feel that close.
And I glimpse the 'man' behind the curtain. I see the wheels turning, bringing the focus of my thoughts closer to me. Writing about belief in a fictional way, has brought my awareness of my own thoughts into focus.
Anyway, I didn't expect writing a story for 11 year-olds to rearrange me so. But its a blessing!
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Posted on Sep 25th, 2008
by
Lee
I don't have children of my own. I'm 38 years old; my hubby is 40. It seems there will never be a genetic fusion of he and me to march into the world. Should I be bummed about this? I'm not. We have a lot of kids in our life.
I write for children--visit schools, email and blog with kids. I love their world and never hesititate to validate it. My hubby teaches third grade and every year he has13-20 new kids who adore him. More importantly, every year there are 13-20 kids who know they are adored. They thrive in his evironment of caring, trust and mutual admiration. Not only are the test scores just grand, he gets cards and notes and refriderator-worthy drawings from students past and presents.
Sometimes I think not coping with the day-to-day of parenting ("MOM! WHERE'S MY...") gives me a valuable perspective on kid-dome. I think that Hubby can devote so much to the classroom because home is a recharging station.
I'm considering writing seriously about this--how we came to this place, how we discuss the issue, where the bright line (vasectomy/tubal ligation) might be. What role do the childless play in our society? What role coudl they play? Why does it seem the fertile-folk distrust us? Thoughts are appreciated.
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